The Matrix Reconstituted
by Bohemian Rabbit
Summary: A strange fusion that happened to stray into my mind. The Matrix meets Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure...I am not making any promises about quality.
1. Default Chapter

The Matrix Reconstituted

  
  
I have a few things to say, because disclaimers seem to be in fashion at the moment. Firstly, I do not own any of these characters and I do not own the films that I borrowed them from either. You know that but I think I am supposed to say it. Secondly, I must apologise to everyone for this rubbish but I feel that I need to write it. It has been floating around in my head as a joke for a while and I want to develop it. To fans of The Matrix: this is just a bit of fun. To fans of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure: this is just a bit of fun. I think that is enough.   
  
Also, people have said that they don't know who Bill and Ted are. They are characters from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure with Keanu Reeves starring as Ted. I hope the story will make a bit more sense now that you know how similar Neo and Ted should look.   
  
"Morpheus, where are we going?" Neo asked curiously.   
"You will soon see..." Morpheus was in one of his mysterious moods.   
"He gets like this a lot. He's taking us for a walk in the matrix and pretending that we actually have something to do," Trinity replied.   
"Isn't that kind of dangerous? There are agents out there," said Neo worriedly.   
"Yeah, but I guess living in the real world can be a drag sometimes. They probably won't notice us if we try not to stand out from the others."Trinity turned away.   
  
They walked on through the streets, Neo occasionally bending lampposts with his newfound abilities and squealing with delight. Morpheus looked at him, shrugged his shoulders, and continued to walk. Trinity gave him a quick glance and began to walk slightly faster. Neo suddenly jumped up into the air and did a triple somersault before running up a 50-storey building, back-flipping down again, and skipping over to Trinity.   
  
"Show off," she muttered.   
"He's The One. He's getting to grips with it. He's never experienced this kind of power before," said Morpheus reassuringly.   
"He's going to attract a lot of attention." Trinity was worried.   
"You know we are only in here to give him practise. He'll get bored. We won't be here for long."   
"But..." Trinity knew that such behaviour would attract the attention of the agents.   
"He'll be done in exactly 10.33 minutes."   
"How can you possibly know that?" Trinity was astounded.   
"I know everything," said Morpheus modestly.   
"Why didn't we just let him use one of the training programmes?" she asked.   
"Because this is more interesting."   
  
Trinity stared at Morpheus for a moment. She was beginning to wonder if the constant struggle against the machines was affecting his sanity. As she did so Neo picked up a car and threw it across the street, before wandering off without anybody noticing. Trinity did notice a loud crash, similar to that of a falling building, but thought nothing of it.   
  


* * *

  
  
Meanwhile, two young men named Bill and Ted were travelling through time and space in a magic phone booth, provided by a mysterious man from the future who called himself Rufus. They were collecting historical figures for a critical history report. Many of their friends, associates, and fellow high school students had chosen to use books to research their reports, but Bill and Ted were rather more original. And lucky. In fact, the only reason they had their wonderful magic phone booth was because of something that you should watch the film to find out. As they were travelling, Bill realised something important.   
  
"Ted! I've realised something most important!"   
"What is it, dude?" asked Ted curiously.   
"I dialled the wrong number!"   
"Bogus, dude. Where are we going?" asked Ted curiously again.   
"I have no idea!" Bill exclaimed informatively.   
"Uh..." Ted wanted to ask something intelligent and useful but decided against it.   
  
They continued to travel in their magic phone booth, both fully aware that they were hopelessly lost. Ted looked accusingly at Bill for having dialled the wrong number. Bill considered punching Ted in the face but luckily the phone booth crash landed in a slightly green looking town resembling Sydney, Australia.   
  
"This place looks kinda weird..." commented Bill.   
"Strange things are afoot in this town," observed Ted. He had noticed a large building come tumbling down after a young man hit it very hard with a bent lamppost.   
  
"That lamppost dude looks just like..." Ted suddenly noticed that he had wandered away from Bill. He wandered over to the young man with the lamppost.   
"Hey man! Uh...that was a most triumphant thing you just did," Ted observed intelligently.   
"Um...thanks," said Neo, turning his head away from the fallen building. "Woah! You look just like..."   
"Yeah. Are you my evil twin?" asked Ted.   
"No!" Neo said quickly.   
"Oh." Ted was disappointed.   
  
They stared at each other in disbelief for some time...then they continued to stare in disbelief...then there was some staring and some disbelieving looks...and I could continue in this manner but I imagine you get the general idea by now. Imagine that this paragraph continues in a similar vein for the next thirty sentences and I'll go and get a drink before I write the next chapter.  
  



	2. The Matrix Reconstituted Recontinued

The Matrix Reconstituted Recontinued

  
  
The staring in disbelief finally over, they wandered away from each other because they found the uncanny similarities rather disconcerting. Neo was confused and wondered if the agents were trying to trick him. Ted was wondering if he had stepped into the Twilight Zone and started to whistle the theme tune. He then noticed a shop selling excellent electric guitars.   
  
"Excellent!" he said. He went inside and tested each one of the guitars. The shop was soon empty. He waited there, expecting Bill to arrive soon.   
  
* * *   
  
"Trinity?" Morpheus looked at her questioningly.   
"Yes, Morpheus?"   
"I noticed you staring at me and wondering if my sanity had been compromised. Presumably it was during this time that Neo wandered off?"   
"Yes."   
"Trinity?" Morpheus continued to look at her.   
"Yes?"   
"You complete and utter idiot."   
"Well you didn't see him wander off either. Can't we just call him on a cell phone? That's what we usually do, right?" Trinity suggested.   
"Neo is too young and inexperienced for cell phones. He may be The One, but I wouldn't trust him with one of those."   
"I thought he already..."   
"I took it away. He kept playing games on it and running down the battery."   
"Oh...and you took it away from him for that." Trinity began to shift her weight and gaze guiltily at the sky, then the floor.   
"Yes I did. I don't suppose you know anything about it, do you?" asked Morpheus suspiciously.   
"NO! I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, and you can't prove anything!" Trinity protested. Morpheus concluded that he had made a mistake. They called Tank and asked him to locate Neo. He replied that there was a lot of interference: it seemed that there were two Neos in the matrix. He didn't want to give any of the locations in case the interference was a trap set by the agents.   
  
At this they all began to worry for Neo's safety. They knew that although he had been reckless, he did know how to take care of himself, but they were unsure of what had happened to him. They decided to search for him themselves.   
  
* * *   
  
"Uh...Ted? Ted? Dude, where are you?" Bill was beginning to worry about his friend. He attempted to work out where Ted could have gone. He decided that they had both been thirsty so he must have gone to a bar, or a café, or somewhere else. He proceeded towards the nearest bar.   
  
Meanwhile Neo was wondering what had happened to his companions. He had gone back to the area in which they had been standing before he wandered off, but it was utterly deserted.   
  
"MORPHEUS?! TRINITY? WHERE ARE YOU?" he shouted.   
"Ah, Mr. Anderson!" said a familiar voice.   
"Shit!" Neo muttered.   
"That's right Mr. Anderson. I have returned. You know you cannot dispose of me. I am an invincible machine. Unlike you." Agent Smith ran forwards and there was a very impressive fight with a lot of wirework and some very nifty camera shots. They came to an agreement to postpone the rest of the fight for a while so that Smith could go to buy a nice new pair of sunglasses and Neo could go and get a quick drink. Neo asked if Smith could possibly get him some sunglasses as well. He agreed.   
  
* * *   
  
Ted was still in the guitar shop. He has found a very nice little fender that he wanted to keep but he didn't have enough money. He had spent all he had getting the words Wyld Stallyns printed on a t-shirt. He sat down at the back of the shop reading a booklet called: "What to do when you are stuck in a guitar shop in some weird place after travelling through time and space in a magic phone booth."   
  
Suddenly he noticed two people dressed in black entering the shop. They were dressed a bit like the lamppost man.   
  
"Morpheus, why would Neo go into a guitar shop?" Trinity asked.   
"I do not know, but he doesn't seem to be anywhere else at the moment." Morpheus answered.   
  
Suddenly Trinity noticed Ted.   
  
"Neo! What the hell are you doing in here?" she demanded. "And why are you wearing those weird clothes?"   
"Uh...I'm not Neo. And I think these are most triumphant clothes." Ted was hurt, but he stared at her wide-eyed. He had never met a girl like her before.   
"Get up Neo. We have to leave. There's some interference in the matrix. We think it might be the agents." Trinity pulled Ted to his feet.   
"I'm not Neo. This is all one bogus misunderstanding." He stopped. Perhaps if he pretended to be Neo he could get this girl to go to the prom with him, although she did look like she had already finished high school. "OK, I'll come."   
  
Morpheus called Tank and asked where the nearest exit was. They found a phone booth and were out within the next five minutes, although Ted was becoming more confused every second. 


	3. The Matrix Reconstituted Chapter Three ...

The Matrix Reconstituted Part 3 (The "re" thing is getting old already)

  
  
Neo sat alone with a beer in the corner of a pub, thinking that perhaps he should have specified which sunglasses he wanted Smith to buy for him.  
  
_"Maybe I should have specified which sunglasses I wanted Agent Smith to buy for me."_  
  
He then began to wonder exactly why Smith was going to buy sunglasses for him.  
  
_"Why the hell is Agent Smith going to buy sunglasses for me? Hey this is good beer..."_  
  
He thought nothing of how utterly ridiculous his life seemed to be. Suddenly he realised something:  
  
_"This isn't the original Chapter Three!"_  
  
A strange heavenly voice called to him from nowhere:  
"The first Chapter Three sucked, OK?"  
  
"And this one doesn't?" Neo raised an eyebrow.  
  
Agent Smith suddenly appeared at the window.  
  
"Mr. Anderson, you should know by now that only agents are allowed to raise their eyebrows in such a manner."  
  
Neo apologised and went back to his drink. He watched a blond kid asking the barman about a guy called Ted.  
  


* * *

  
  
Trinity was staring fixedly at Ted. She had thought that she knew Neo well, but she must have been wrong.  
  
_"How could he have changed so much in such a short space of time?"_ She thought to herself. She was sad that the Neo she knew was gone.  
  
Ted noticed Trinity staring fixedly at him.  
  
_"Excellent!"_ he thought to himself.  
  
Morpheus noticed them staring fixedly at each other.  
  
_"Nothing new here, then,"_ he thought to himself.  
  
He began to wonder exactly why they were still in the phone booth. He had not noticed that the phone booth next to them had been ringing. Ted saw Morpheus' look of confusion and shuffled over to the telephone. He dialled a number and the phone booth suddenly moved. Morpheus saw that they were travelling through a network of wires.  
  
_"Is this how they power the matrix?"_  
  
Suddenly Ted spoke:  
"Shouldn't we have waited for Bill?"  
  
Trinity continued to stare at him.   
  
"What? Who is Bill?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, Bill's a friend of mine," Ted answered.  
  
"Is he unplugged?" Morpheus was even more confused. He had never heard of anyone called Bill who had been unplugged, and Neo could not possibly mean anyone who had not been woken up.  
  
"Dude, I think something is most heinously wrong with your mind."  
  
Morpheus glared at Ted. He was feeling very uneasy and he did not need this from Neo, even if he was The One. Morpheus was uneasy because he was never the one who got confused, that was supposed to be Neo's job. He began to wonder if this really was Neo when the phone booth stopped with an alarming jolt and a huge dust cloud enveloped them all.  
  


* * *

  
  
Tank sat at the computer playing Solitaire. He occasionally looked to see what had happened to Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity but went back to his game without registering what was going on.   
  
_"I wonder what happened to everybody...?"_ he thought.  
  
He realised that they probably would not come back for a while so he left the room and turned on some very loud music. The sentinels heard him and joined the party. Even Neo heard the music from inside the matrix but he took no notice.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Ted?"  
The blond kid had noticed Neo sitting in the corner of the pub. Neo tried to ignore him.  
  
"Ted! Dude! Have you been in here all this time?" Bill smiled and sat down at Neo's table.  
  
"Look, kid, I don't know who you are but I do know that I am not Ted." Neo began to walk over to the bar to order another beer.  
  
"Ted, what is wrong with you? How many beers have you had?" Bill raised an eyebrow.  
  
Agent Smith walked past the window again and shook his head irritably.  
  
"Don't do that," Neo warned. "You don't wanna see Agent Smith when he's mad. He might not get my sunglasses."  
  
"Ted, I think you might be drunk. Can I borrow some money?" Bill tried to make the most of the situation.  
  
"If you stop calling me Ted I might buy you a beer." At least in the matrix it wasn't real money.  
  
"Excellent, Ted...I mean...uh...what should I call you then?"  
  
"My name is Neo." He walked up to the bar and bought two more beers.  
  
"OK, T...Neo, we have to go and collect historical figures for our history report tomorrow..."  
  
Neo suddenly interrupted:  
"How many beers did you see me drink?"  
  
"This is the second one, dude." Bill stared at Neo.  
  
"But you came in after I did so I could have had more, right?"  
  
"Uh...I guess so, yeah." He continued to stare at Neo.  
  
"OK. So I might not be having this conversation with you. Maybe I'm just completely drunk." Neo was wondering if he should go with this kid. If it was just his imagination, what harm could it possibly do?  
  
_"Why the hell do I have to think such shit?"_ Neo was angry with the author for turning him into an idiot. She promised that he could do something heroic later in the story. He was satisfied.  
  
"OK, um...Neo, lets go! Uh...why am I calling you Neo?"  
  
"It used to be my hacker alias."  
  
"You have a computer?" Bill felt that he had been deceived.   
  
"Yes, I had a computer. Most people do..." Neo stopped and thought. Most people _didn't_ really have computers, they were all in the matrix. Even _he_ had never really had a computer.  
  
"Actually, no, I didn't." He thought he ought to be honest. Bill was beginning to think that his friend was either extremely drunk, or going insane.  
  
"OK, lets go..." They finished their beers and left; Neo was reluctant but the author insisted.  
  
As they were walking, Neo began to think about what had happened in the past few hours.  
  
_"Could this story get any more ridiculous? I want to see my lawyer..."_ He almost stopped when the author offered to cut out his approaching heroic deed, but he was unsure as to her sincerity. He wanted a contract. She threatened to kill him off. He stopped thinking. 


	4. Chapter 4

The Matrix Reconstituted Part 4

  
  
Ted casually strolled out of the phone booth taking in his surroundings. Trinity and Morpheus followed cautiously.  
  
"Neo, did you just completely redesign the matrix?" Morpheus looked at Ted in awe.  
  
"The matrix? Huh? We just travelled through time in a phone booth from the future," Ted explained. "This dude called Rufus gave it to me and my friend Bill so we could collect historical figures for our history report tomorrow. Hey, do you know Rufus? You all wear totally excellent sunglasses."  
  
Trinity had not been listening very carefully as she was somewhat stunned by what had just happened, but when she heard Ted's last comment she looked up and smiled at him.  
  
"You think I have excellent sunglasses?"  
  
"Yeah, most triumphant!" Ted was pleased with this attention. Things were going well.  
  
"I realise that sunglasses are an important part of our lives, but may I remind you that we are standing in the middle of what looks like a desert," Morpheus pointed out.  
  
A tumbleweed rolled across their path. Ted walked onwards. The others followed.  
  


* * *

  
  
Meanwhile, Tank was teaching the sentinels to play Rock, paper, scissors. Despite all their artificial intelligence, none of them had ever mastered the game. They were all thrilled by it. Tank did not hear Neo trying to call him because the music was still turned up too loud.  
  


* * *

  
  
Neo put the phone down. He had been forced to use a phone booth as Morpheus still had his cell phone. He noticed that Bill was looking around anxiously.  
  
"What is it?" Neo asked.  
  
"Dude, haven't you noticed? The phone booth's gone!"  
  
Neo turned his head to look at the phone he had just put down.  
  
"It looks okay to me..." He looked again, just to make sure.  
  
"Ted...I mean Neo, that's not the same booth!"  
  
"The same as what? A phone booth is a phone booth. What difference does it make?"   
  
"It's not just a phone booth! We've lost our way out of here!" Bill was almost shouting.  
  
Neo looked at him in surprise.   
  
"You mean, you've been unplugged too? Why didn't Morpheus tell me about this? Who's your operator?"  
  
Bill pondered this for a while.   
  
"Ted, what are you talking about? Who is Morpheus? What's an operator?" He thought of Rufus. "Oh, I guess Rufus is our operator. C'mon, Ted, you _have_ to remember Rufus!"  
  
"MY NAME IS NEO!" Neo was a little irritated.  
  
"Okay..." Bill backed away slowly until he walked into Agent Smith. He ran.  
  
"Mr. Anderson..." Smith strolled over.  
  
"Have you got them?" Neo asked quietly. Smith handed over a pair of new sunglasses. He held out his empty hand.  
  
"What?" Neo stared at Smith's outstretched hand.   
  
"Now, Mr. Anderson, you didn't really expect me to do that for free, did you?" Smith raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Uh...well, yeah, actually I did."  
  
"You owe me $450 000, Mr. Anderson." Smith's hand did not move.  
  
"You're a machine. What do you need money for?"  
  
"I had a bet with another agent. I lost it." Smith remained utterly emotionless, though Neo noticed that his fist was clenched.  
  
"I don't have $450 000 and if I did I wouldn't give it to _you_," Neo narrowed his eyes.  
  
Smith raised his eyebrows again.   
  
"Very well, Mr. Anderson." Smith punched Neo hard in the stomach.  
  
Neo was bent double, gasping for air. Smith smiled and bent down to verbally torment him. As he let his guard down, Neo grabbed him by the neck and hurled him to the ground. Smith got up immediately and tried to punch Neo again, but was blocked. The rest of the fight was so fast that it cannot be described. Five minutes later, Neo jumped up in the air, preparing to kick Smith. The action stopped, the camera moved around, and just as it sped up Neo fell. Or rather, he should have fallen. He was actually hanging sideways in the air.  
  
"Shit! My wire broke!" Neo yelled. Smith laughed and tapped Neo's leg. This caused Neo to spin around very fast in a circle. Smith laughed very hard and lost his concentration. During this critical moment, Neo's leg spun straight into Smith's face.  
  
"YAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGH! You broke my new sunglasses!" Smith was fuming. By this time Neo had been freed. He ran.  
  


* * *

  
  
After walking through the desert for a short while, Ted, Trinity and Morpheus came to an old town. The street was dusty and deserted. Ted thought of the Westerns he had watched in the past.  
  
"Trinity?" Ted turned to face her.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Do you know Eddie Van Halen?"  
  
"No, Neo, I do not know Eddie Van Halen," Trinity answered for the fifth time.  
  
"Neo, come here." Morpheus beckoned Ted.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"If you're not going to tell us what is going on, could you shut up?"  
  
"Um...OK." Ted grinned and ran over to Trinity.  
  
"Neo?" Trinity looked at Ted.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What happened to you when you wandered off?"  
  
There was a pause as Ted tried to recall exactly what he had done.  
  
"Well, I lost Bill and then I saw this bodacious dude with a lamppost. He knocked down a whole building with this lamppost and he looked just like me, but he was dressed kinda like you and he had totally excellent sunglasses."  
  
Trinity listened to this with mounting concern. She politely excused herself and signalled to Morpheus that she wanted to speak with him.  
  
"What's the matter, Trinity?" Morpheus asked.  
  
"I think we may have picked up the wrong man."  
  


* * *

  
  
"YOU BROKE MY NEW SUNGLASSES!" Agent Smith was screaming with rage.  
  
"Well you're the one that spent $450 000 on them!" Neo yelled back.  
  
Smith was somewhat surprised at this. Not at what Neo had said, but that he could hear Neo at all.  
  
"Yeah, you can hear me. And I can hear you. D'you know how?" Neo yelled again.  
  
"Yes I do." Smith raised his eyebrows. Again. He turned around to find Neo hiding behind his legs.  
  
Neo looked up and smiled sheepishly. "Oops," he mumbled quietly.  
  
"That's right, Mr. Anderson. Oops."  
  
Smith was about to fight Neo again but he soon realised that Neo had fled as soon as he had been discovered.  
  
"That was close!" Neo said to himself as he ran. He realised that he was running faster even than the Roadrunner of cartoon fame. He also realised that he was talking to himself.  
  
"Oh no! I'm talking to myself!"   
  
He then realised that he was still talking to himself.  
  
"Look, I am not completely stupid, y'know? I may not be the most intelligent character in The Matrix but I can still tell when I'm talking to myself, and I think that my treatment here is..."  
  
Neo was just about to call his lawyer when a very large 16 tonne weight fell on his head.  
  
"This just...isn't...fair..." he gasped.  
  
Then he heard the heavenly voice again.  
  
"Neo. I know this isn't a very good story and I realise that you feel that your treatment in it is unfair, but do not try to get out of this. That's impossible. Only realise the truth."  
  
"What truth?" Neo asked.  
  
"Er..." The author thought for a moment. "I'll get back to you."  
  
Neo shook his head in frustration.  
  
"Oh wait. I got it. The truth is that in this story, I play God. I can control everything that happens to you and everybody else, so even if I allowed you to phone your lawyer, he could be a fish or something."  
  
Suddenly a very large 16 tonne weight fell on the author's head. 


	5. Chapter 5

The Matrix Reconstituted Part 5 (Oh when will it stop)  
  


Hi guys. Just thought that since the author managed to stupidly knock herself out with a 16 tonne weight, I ought to keep this story going. In her memory, y'know? Anyway, here goes The Matrix Reconstituted Chapter Five Neo style...  
  
"Hey, what am I doing in here?" the author asked, confused.  
  
"I took over while you were unconscious and put you in the story. HA!" Neo replied.  
  
I'm not really sure what to do now. I guess I could write about how the war ends quickly with nobody dying and Trinity and I living happily ever after but that would be kind of boring. And I wouldn't get to have any fun.  
  
Suddenly Trinity found herself na...AAAAAGGHH!  
  
Thank you Neo, that was lovely but now you are back in the story and everything can go back to normal. Luckily I kicked Neo's ass before he had time to write anything that we don't want to see. Please forget that anything in this chapter happened and everything should resume normally.   
And yeah, I did kick Neo's ass. It's great playing God.   
  
"How did you kick my ass when I was the author at the time?" Neo asked.  
  
"That's for me to know and you to never find out," the author replied.  
  
"Okay...this bit of the chapter sucks," Neo pointed out.  
  
"I agree entirely. Let's move on."   
  


* * *

  
  
"Everybody, come here," Morpheus called Trinity and Ted. They had been wandering around the town separately to explore the area more quickly. Morpheus had wandered the few streets. Trinity had looked around a few buildings. Ted went straight to the saloon.   
  
"Now, everyone. The time has come for action. The time has come for us to find a way out of this predicament. The time has come..."  
  
As Morpheus spoke, Ted whispered to Trinity.  
  
"What is he talking about?"  
  
"He likes making big, potent speeches to build up to the action," Trinity whispered back.  
  
"...the time has come for us to buy beers."  
  
"Excellent action!" Ted grinned and led them all to the saloon.  
  
They proceeded to the saloon, and there was much rejoicing.   
  


* * *

  
  
Bill wandered around the matrix alone. He had no idea where he was and he was sure that Neo wasn't Ted. Or that Ted wasn't Neo. Or whichever way it's supposed to be. Let's rephrase that: He was sure that his previous companion had not been Ted, but now that strange Ted lookalike was the only person he knew in the area.   
  
_Ted must have taken the phonebooth to get the report done on time. It would have been most triumphant if he could have found me first though._  
  
"I guess I should go and look for him again," Bill said to himself.  
  
Bill went straight to the bar and there was much rejoicing.  
  


* * *

  
  
Neo was confused. Tank wasn't answering, Morpheus and Trinity were missing, the weird blond kid had run away when he backed into Agent Smith, and everything else was getting more stupid by the minute. He proceeded to the bar and there was much rejoicing.  
  
At this point it must be said that the rejoicing had nothing to do with any of the central characters. However, in a place where there is alcohol in abundance, there is inevitably going to be rejoicing from many people. Neo, Bill, Morpheus, Trinity and Ted would not rejoice in their current situations. That would just be silly.  
  
Ecky ecky ecky ecky pikang zoop boing goodem zoo owli zhiv.  
  
And of course that wasn't silly at all.  
  


* * *

  
  
Tank and the sentinels stopped playing Rock, Paper, Scissors because it got boring after a while. They wandered the ship looking for something to do. Tank was shocked to find a room that he had never even seen before. Morpheus hadn't mentioned it, not once. Tank entered to find Morpheus' secret stash of Vodka. They took the Vodka, and there was much rejoicing. And this time it was actually Tank and the sentinels rejoicing, because obviously there was nobody else on the ship at this point.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Hey, Neo...oopsy." Trinity fell off her seat.  
  
"Actually, I'm Ted...woah, this beer is excellent...what were you gonna say?"  
  
Trinity staggered to her feet and giggled. "How are we going to get back to the matrix?"  
  
"Uh...I guess we go back to the phone booth. But I dunno the...what was it?" He burped loudly.  
  
"Oh, Ted!" Trinity mock frowned, then giggled again.  
  
"If the phone booth is the only way back to the matrix, we must proceed to the phone booth at once. We still need to find the real Neo." Morpheus remained as emotionless and unaffected as ever, much to everyone's surprise.   
  
"Yup, phone boothy, here we come!" Trinity stood up and stumbled. She tripped over Ted's foot and giggled again. Ted grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to her feet. He put his arm around her.  
  
"Get away from me, kid."   
  
He obeyed Trinity.  
  


* * *

  
  
Neo realised that he was in the same bar as the weird blond kid. He sat down next to him, as he was utterly alone and wanted some company, no matter how juvenile.  
  
"Hey, dude!"  
  
Had Neo been sober, he would have stood up and left. But he wasn't.  
  
"Did I ever tell you about that time when I was car sick?" Neo asked Bill.  
  
"No. Sounds bogus, dude. What happened?" Bill asked sympathetically.  
  
"Well, a long time ago, when I was 9, me and my Mom were hitch hiking down a loooong and lonesome road. You get me?  
  
"Yeah dude, a looooong lonesome road."  
  
"No, not looooong, it was loooong. You had too many O's in that."  
  
"Oh, sorry dude."  
  
"All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon, in the middle of the road."  
  
"No way!"  
  
"Yes way!"  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
"My mom gave it ten bucks and it gave us a ride to Phoenix."  
  
"Oh. Then what happened?"  
  
"That's it."  
  
There was silence.  
  
"I thought you were gonna tell me about the time you got car sick?" Bill was confused.  
  
"I don't get car sick."  
  
"Oh."  
  


* * *

  
  
Trinity and Ted stumbled towards the phone booth. Morpheus walked ahead.  
  
"Did I ever tell you about the really weird thing that happened to me when I was 9?" Ted asked Trinity.  
  
"No. And you're not going to now either."   
  
"Okay." Ted was beginning to think that Trinity didn't like him very much.  
  
They were staggering very slowly so Morpheus grabbed them both by the arms and dragged them along with him. After a while they saw the sharp, strong shape of the phone booth ahead of them. They were filled with joy at the sight of such a modern object and hurried to it, tripping over many times before they reached it. Morpheus continued to walk with an air of dignity. They entered the phone booth and shut the door.  
  
"What happens now?" Morpheus looked expectantly at Ted.  
  
"Well, now I'm supposed to dial the right number."  
  
They stood in silence for a while.  
  
"Why don't you dial the number?" Trinity was losing her patience.  
  
"Well, that's the thing. I tried to tell you earlier, but I don't actually know what the number is."  
  
"Bogus, dude."  
  
Ted and Trinity looked at Morpheus, utterly shocked.  
  
"Did you just say...?" Trinity began.  
  
"Shut up Trinity. Ted, why don't you look it up in the phone book?" Morpheus questioned.  
  
"Oh yeah, excellent..." Ted hiccoughed before he could finish his sentence. He picked up the phone book and flicked through the pages.  
  
"Uh...what exactly am I looking up?" Ted asked Morpheus.  
  
"Look for the matrix."  
  
"What is the matrix?"  
  
"Oh please, do we have to do this now?" Trinity rolled her eyes.  
  
"Just let me do it." Morpheus grabbed the book from Ted but couldn't find the number for the matrix. He looked at the very back and found it under an "unreachable" list. He dialled the number and they found themselves travelling through the strange network of wires and tunnels. They soon arrived in the matrix.   
  


* * *

  
  
After using up Morpheus' secret Vodka stash, the sentinels became bored. They thanked Tank for inviting them and promised that they would not attack the ship in future. They soon left. Tank cleared up the mess of broken bottles so that Morpheus could never find out. He turned the music off and went back to playing Solitaire.  
  


* * *

  
  
"...and I says to Mabel, I says..." Neo was enjoying his drunken conversation with Bill but Bill was looking at his watch.  
  
"Ah, sorry dude, but I have to...um...I have to go and...uh...do my laundry. Yeah. So bye." Bill left as quickly as possible.  
  
As Bill walked outside he saw Ted, Trinity and Morpheus walking in the opposite direction.  
  
"HEEEEEEYYY! TED! DUDE! IT'S ME!" he yelled after them. Ted turned around and ran towards his friend.  
  
"Bill! What happened?" Ted asked.  
  
"It was all totally bodacious!" They grinned inanely at each other.   
  
"Shouldn't we go and get our report done?" Ted suggested.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so. Bye guys!" Bill waved at Trinity and Morpheus before walking towards the phone booth.   
  
"Ted, wait." Trinity grabbed his arm and looked into his eyes. "Ted..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"...Do you know where Neo is?"  
  
Ted's gaze dropped to the floor when she said this.  
  
"He's in that bar over there." Bill pointed to where he had just come from.  
  
"Thank you." Trinity ran off to the bar.  
  
Bill and Ted stepped into the phone booth and departed the matrix forever.  
  


* * *

  
  
Neo was sitting on his own attempting to shout a bad joke at a passerby. Trinity ran into the bar and stopped. She turned around, searching for him. Their eyes met.  
  
"Neo! Where have you been?" She ran to him.  
  
"I dunno if you noticed, but I'm a teensy weensy bit drunk. Did I tell you about the weird thing that happened to me when I was nine?" Neo giggled.  
  
Trinity stared at him.   
  
"Y'know, I'm sure Ted said..."  
  
Neo stood up and hugged her for no apparent reason.  
  
Morpheus entered at that moment, having walked very slowly to give them time to talk.  
  
"I'm calling Tank now," he said. He picked up his cell phone and called Tank.  
  
"Operator."  
  
"Hi Tank. We need an exit," Morpheus informed him.  
  
"Okay, one exit coming right...wait a minute..."  
  
Tank stared at the screen. A sign had just appeared before his eyes.  
  
Neo stared at the ceiling. He looked away. He then looked at the ceiling again.  
  
"Oh, déjà vu."  
  
"What?" Trinity looked at him in alarm.  
  
"What did you see, Neo?" Morpheus asked quickly.  
  
"I looked at the ceiling, and I saw the ceiling. Then when I looked again, I saw exactly the same ceiling."  
  
"Tank, get us out of here fast!" Morpheus ordered.  
  
"Well, actually this glitch is a pretty big one," Tank said quietly.  
  
"What do you mean? What's happened?" Morpheus' concern was mounting.  
  
Tank read and re-read the sign on the screen. It said:  
THIS PROGRAM HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND WILL BE SHUT DOWN  
  
Tank noticed that the connection was severed.  
  
"Oh my God..." Tank continued to stare at the screen. 


End file.
